Last Post

It was the second day of school. I stood waiting outside the school entrance and had my phone camera ready to take a picture of my daughter walking out with her classmates. I surprised her from behind but she didn’t look too happy. We started walking towards the car and I asked her how her day went. That’s when she stopped and I bent down to look at her face which was half-covered by her mask. Her forehead was dirty and it looked as though she had a black eye. “What happened?!” I blurted out in shock. Her eyes turned watery as she held her tears back and she told me she got hit by a ball and fell. She showed me her scraped knee and elbows and she was trying hard not to cry in front of all the kids around us. My mind whirled with the worst case scenarios: Did someone deliberately throw a ball at her? Did someone bully her?! I was about to march into the office to demand why I wasn’t notified and to find out who threw the ball at my child. Before Mommy’s wrath was about to unleash, she told me she fell in the playground while running around during lunch recess. I inquired further and found out she ran through the basketball court while some kids were playing ball. Oh dear, Elaine. I checked her eyes to see if she really had a black eye, but it was just dirt. She must have wiped her eyes with her dirtied hands while crying in the nurse’s office. My heart tore to pieces imagining what happened and to see her in such pain and sadness. I had been praying every day for her protection and that she wouldn’t get hurt in any way.

Later that evening when I was browsing through my phone, I found this picture as the last photo I had taken. I must have taken a photo instead of shutting my phone off. It was the exact moment when my daughter told me she fell and I held out my arm to see her face. The photo captured her pain and my heartbroken state. Is this what it feels like, Lord? As our Father, to see us so hurt and broken?

I was once again reminded that He is in control and that though sometimes things happen that seem contrary to our prayers, He is our loving Father. He is not laughing at our pain; He is not waiting for us to break. In a broken world where we run around oblivious to our surroundings and His purposes, His arms are outstretched before us. As stated in John 10:11, Jesus is the good shepherd: “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.”

Surely he has borne our griefs
    and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
    smitten by God, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions;
    he was crushed for our iniquities;

upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
    and with his wounds we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
    we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
    the iniquity of us all.

(Isaiah 53: 4-6)

Dear friends, family, and readers, this is my last post.

Thank you for reading along these past years. Thank you for reading my little stories and being a part of my life. Know that a load of my burdens have been lifted along my cancer journey because of your thoughts and prayers. My journey isn’t over and much like everyone else, I do not know how long I have left in this life, but I will continue to press on, marching forward to what lies ahead. We each have our own battles, and though I do not know your story, I pray His love and light may illuminate your path.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

With love,

Jeanee

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